Life can get incredibly busy with work, kids and general responsibilities that we often forget to take a minute just to stop and catch our breath.
For someone like me that doesn’t have children you would think it would be easy to manage a work life balance. Quite the opposite. I find myself working more, sometimes late into the night with only 3-4 hours sleep.
I feel I have a duty of care for the people I work for. I sometimes put too much pressure on myself to deliver because I have always had people in my past that doubted me and that was due to my addiction. You often get tarnished with the words: Unreliable, selfish, untrustworthy, the list goes on.
I didn’t choose addiction. Addiction chose me. But instead of wallowing in self-pity, I took it hands on and have worked my absolute hardest to control it.
People don’t see what goes on behind the scenes. They just assume. It isnt easy fighting a daily battle with my mind everyday. Then I have to deal with expectations of people. Chase for simple things, remind them to do something etc.
Every single person I have ever worked with or work with, I have fought hard for them.I have pushed them to see their potential and sacrficed parts of my own personal life to support them. I have often taken on their problems and been a source of comfort. People need to understand that it is so much more than just a working relationship.
For example every boxer I have helped. When they step in that ring and take a punch. I take that punch with them.
I genuinely care about all I work with.I want to see people win at life. But I then ask myself the question: Do these people care for me? You could argue that it’s work so why should they? But then I shouldn’t be on call for them, advising and guiding them outside of working hours right?
Over the past few months, I have worked really hard on many things. Working on new media projects,pushing to get brand partnerships over the line,filming my documentary and also dealing with my own personal issues.
I have to be brutally honest here. Some of the people I have been helping and supporting haven’t brought the best out of me. I’ve found myself getting angry, thinking about the past because they have triggered something from there. I appreciate it hasn’t been intentional but it has been that bad that I almost reached for a drink in the middle of the day during working hours. I also drank 4 days on the trot because I felt incredibly depressed and anxious not knowing who to turn too.
What people need to understand that when we as agents,publicists whichever role we carry, we look for certain qualities in the people that we work with:
But the main one is attitude. When I look at the sacrfices I have made and then I compare it with the respect and appreciation I have been shown,you have to take a step back and weigh up your options here.
No one is perfect. We all have flaws. I certainly have issues that I need to address in my personal life that unfortunately have spilled into my professional life. But when I think of work-life balance and my well-being,I have to look at the bigger picture. There hasn’t been much balance and I haven’t taken time out properly for myself because I unselfishly put people that I do work for before myself.
Not one of them has ever really asked me how I’m doing but when I notice something is wrong, I make sure I check in with them.
So now I’m ready to take control back. There is nothing wrong with expressing how you are feeling.These things will eventually come out at the wrong tme which from experience, it has many times before, quite recently to be exact. And I dont want people to look at me and say that I’m an angry, bitter woman who is difficult to work with. But one thing I will say, before you look at me, you need to look at yourself first.
My advice to anyone,you are the most important person in your life.If you dont function properly,then nothing else will.be selective on who you choose to dedicate work and time to.Be selfish. Put yourself first.